Touched... Gave me strength

Quote from my student, Soon Kit, from 2 Murni SMK Georgetown 2010

"so far the past 14 yrs of my life, you're the best, caring, friendly ,and dedicated teacher i've ever had"

This made my day.

"hope your aura is with u always," he wished me. I felt like crying instantly.

I don't know why I'm not as happy teaching in Tenby as in Georgetown or Chong Hwa. I don't seem to bond with the students here in Tenby. Is it all in my mind? I don't know. Maybe it's because we teachers don't get to interact much. We don't have a big staff room like other schools, you see. Teachers need to sit in their "subject-based" room. We have our own "offices", in other words. So, the only time we get to chat with our colleagues is during lunch time. Imagine being contained in a big empty room with four walls, messy tables and chairs, lots of home work to mark every day. It's so darn boring. The people you get to talk to are the ones who piss you off most of the time - students. It is not therapeutic at all, if not making it worse.

Sigh.

Really. Is it just me? Is it all in my head? Tell me I'll get over it. Tell me I am not happier at government schools. Tell me I'm wrong.

Again, when I recall what Soon Kit and some other students told me from the bottom of their hearts, I feel hopeful. I hope my students in Tenby will see what they saw in me too.

Thank you, my dear lovely students, for cheering me up. It's the other way round now, huh?

May my aura be with me!

Surprising

I notice that some of my students who usually ignore my lessons are beginning to pay attention in class. I was delighted when one particular student passed up his book the other day. I wonder what made them change their attitude so suddenly...

Sigh

I know mom's right.. about the reconsider thing... I just hope it's not too late for me to be rescued from the quicksand I'm stuck in.

Sacrifice

It's Hari Raya Haji today, which means more animals are "sacrificed". Is this concept still valid in this modern days? Who I am to judge anyway? But being a vegetarian, I just can't bear the sight of animal killing right in front of my house (cause the USM masjid is just across the road). And they're doing it by the main road. Which is quite inconsiderate, I would say. Passers by and drivers have to endure the awful sight as they pass by Jalan Sungai Dua, and as they stop by the traffic light right beside the killing spot. Think people... think.

STupid

Spend lots of money trying to fix something, end up getting worse, and spend even more money trying to get it back to the way it was before fixing at the first place!!!! STUPID!!!!

感谢天恩师德

It's amazing how we could sometimes stumble into answers when we're puzzled. I think this how Lao Shi show us the path when we're in darkness. All we need to do is believe in Lao Shi... Be bold to ask questions. And sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Feeling grey... just like the sky outside

Ever feel like you just wanna disappear from this world? Well, this is how I'm feeling right now. There's this invisible spaceship or something that landed suddenly on my shoulders, and I have to carry it around with me. It's so heavy that I almost can't walk any further... Feel like letting go of everything and be myself again. But can't. Where were the times when I could just be me? Do everything that I wanted... at my own time and own pace?

It seems like I have lesser and lesser true friends around. Where are the people whom I can once trust to share the secretest secret, to gossip the most wicked thing about people, to lend me his/her shoulder when I am down? People around me now are as if from a different country who speak a different language. Communication itself is a massive issue, needless to say interests and likes. I listen to jazz and watch Desperate Housewives. They listen to Chinese pop songs and watch some boring TVB series. I blog... and they don't even read blogs. I lurve western food while they insist on the typical 3 vege 1 rice kinda meal. And I'm the only person who enjoy what I like. How cool is that?

This is a sacrifice that I have to make for a path that I have chosen. Painful? Indeed. But I guess it's the right thing to do.